the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.