is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
