Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
