my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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