chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize