Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
