How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
