Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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