Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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