Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
