woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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