I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
