I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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