you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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