Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
