i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize