....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
