After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
