is your mom at the bar?
Its about making memories worth repressing
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.