I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.