Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.