You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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