I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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