Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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