I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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