I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
