Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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