Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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