Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
