Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
