Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
