Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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