I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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