My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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