My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
