final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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