There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
