I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
