I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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