he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
