So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
