know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
