her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
