The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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