how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
