She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
