just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
