just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
