yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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