What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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