Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You are a genius and a whore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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