just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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