normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
