I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
