I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
