no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
