I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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