Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
