Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
