if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
