airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
