You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
