remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
