Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize