Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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