I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
