I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
