ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
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