Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
