I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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