I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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